I can’t stand Secret Santa and this version I read about, when you don’t even know who you’re buying for, sounds even worse! Just say no, folks!
Dear esteemed colleagues,
Let’s have some fun!
A Secret Santa with a twist for everyone.
Please place your gifts into our big festive sack,
Then take one at random, no giving it back!
There’s a tenner limit, no nuts and no gluten,
Nothing rude or offensive, suited to any human.
Keep it all vegan and definitely no booze,
We don’t want anyone woozy or having a snooze.
Have your gifts bought by the twelfth of December;
It’s great for morale and team-building, remember.
We expect full participation, on this we’re adamant.
No complaints, please.
Signed,
The Management.
Dear Management,
You overpaid tossers,
This latest idea couldn’t make us much crosser.
What do you think we can buy for ten pounds?
In all the shops and online nothing could be found
To suit all sexes, all ages and all creeds.
Just plastic tat that nobody needs.
So, on the big day when the gifts are unwrapped,
Don’t be surprised when it’s all gone to crap.
Everyone had the same thought: a crisp £10 note ready to spend,
With the hope that this Secret Santa comes to an end.
So away with you all, you’re having a laugh.
We wish you a shitty Christmas.
Signed,
The Staff.
BARBED WORDS 